You Got This…These 3 words seem to be common place these days and we say them casually to cheer someone on in life but this phrase brings me to tears when I really think about how much it personally means.

This one is for those who are dealing with difficulty, feeling down in the dumps, grieving a loss or who just want to remember NateStrong in such a way that can warm your heart…

This morning I was randomly reminded of these words upon waking up by the friend who originally made them special for me back in 2016. Thanks to social media memories, a text came through reminiscing about when this sweet friend gave Nate and me “You Got This” t-shirts when he was in the final 6 months of his life. It’s times like this that unexpectedly make me cry, not just a tear or two but the cleansing kind that stream down my face like they are overflowing from drowning my heart. Grief comes in waves and today they crashed upon me, pushing me below the surface of breathlessness. I have reluctantly begun to welcome this because when I feel, I heal. I’ve also learned that when I need to allow all the feels to flow I write because otherwise my mind tries to trick me into doing something else or my body tries to move to block the pain and the grief gets stuck inside. So this is what I reflected upon, felt and allowed to move through me.

From the outside Nate didn’t let cancer slow him down and he believed when people told him “You Got This.” For some reason though, Nate wouldn’t wear the t-shirt. No matter how many trips to the ER, side effects from treatment and cancer or bad news he got during those months, NateStrong believed he would live. But the day he ended up in the ER for the last time, he put on the You Got This T-shirt for the first time and stood before me with a goofy grin. That memory is engrained forever and I see him and those words whenever I doubt myself (which is a lot!). Only a few hours later that same day he ended up in the ER and was en route to Denver on a Flight for Life helicopter. He was told he wouldn’t make it through the night and of course he did.

That week at the hospital was one to remember and he wore the “You Got This” shirt everyday. Friends and family came to love on us, Nate ate tons of donuts because he had been on a sugar free vegan diet for 6 months and we all prayed then waited for a miracle. Even with people coming to say goodbye, Nate wouldn’t give up. He resiliently looked at panel of 8 doctors at Anschutz with disbelief when they told him he was dying and when the last doctor left the room, who again reminded him that he was out of options Nate simply said, “Geez, Debbie Downer!” This brought us all to tears from laughing so hard and is a memory of Nate’s strong spirit. Sure enough he lived 3 more weeks after that hospital stay all the while internally battling the relentless disease and externally smiling and enjoying the company of friends that supported us through the end. We let him lead because his heart was so strong, how could we be the ones that may be wrong?

Nate passed away on 11/22/16 and once again he was wearing the “You Got This” shirt. For awhile I thought, “Wow, what a resilient message,” and honestly was surprised he was so confident until the end. Grief clouded my lens to life for years and especially during the first year after he passed away. I couldn’t feel because I was so broken and didn’t even realize it. After breaking my ankle while grieving (6 months post passing) I had to sit with the feelings and it ultimately created a space of healing physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I then came to realize that he was wearing that shirt for me…He was saying, “You Got This” and that became his way of saying goodbye to me in this earthly realm. From that point and still today, Nate continues to send me this message in other ways. A few months after he passed I found a journal while shopping and it has popped up countless other times since.

The journal…I have found another since right after this one was full!

I still savor the signs he sends from above and never take them for granted. Grief comes in waves and sometimes I coast along the quiet, calm sea and signs are are sparse but they always come rolling back in as do the emotions. Today (9/9/20) is one of those days and I am choosing to honor it, not ignore the feelings. I sat down on this snowy morning in Denver and decided to write and this is what transpired. I hope something perhaps resonates with you as well and you feel a newly inspired sense of vibrancy, life, faith and love. Hopefully you are in a space of happiness and bliss and also if you’re not, you’re not alone. Feel to heal and this too shall pass but for now honor whatever is weighing you down so it can eventually build you back up. Pain, loss and wounds don’t just go away, they stay as sentimental reminders when we need to slow down, be vulnerable, soften the edges of life and live more mindfully, more meaningful compassionate lives. Eventually the darkness brings light, there are rainbows after storms and silver linings in the clouds.

Just Breathe, then Believe :)

When I say this, I mean it from my heart…You Got This!

Another friendly reminder, Thanks Karen Jarchow!

You Got This

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