Butterflies Abound!

This blog began to write itself whilst meandering the Enchanted Forest among the healing hands of nature after being bombarded by beautiful butterflies. 

I like to begin my day setting intentions and with mindful practices but I read my horoscope this morning because my intuition failed me yesterday and I didn’t trust my insight within. Usually I feel a like I have a strong intuition yet in this case I was a bit blind-sighted after pouring time and love into something that didn’t work out as I hoped or expected. The message from the stars clearly mentioned to stop looking for signs. I have to admit that I’m always on the hunt, especially when I feel a sense of doubt. So I stopped searching for signs today and the signs found me instead.

Lately there have been some interesting new challenges presented that are simply another rung on the proverbial ladder of life to climb. Ever since Nate left this earth, I have felt like I am destined to create new life, perhaps to make up for his early departure. Since he passed when I was 36, this became a daunting task and was prioritized last allowing time to grieve, travel, take care of business and then enter new phase of life and love. 

Now, nearly 5 years later I have an amazing, supportive and loving partner who lost his brother to cancer as a young adult and believes the same as me. Even with this strong intuition I find myself at 40 (nearly 41), seeking fertility support because it seems like science or bust is the answer to making dreams come true. 

This isn’t what I wanted to hear because I imagined fertility to come more naturally. I am realizing it involves  work/life balance, lots of hoops to jump through, financial investment and prioritizing self care. We all have pockets in life when we feel out of our comfort zone. One of these pockets for me was while I was grieving and now am caught in another trying to navigate the wild world of fertility plans and procedures. 

I frequently find myself out on the trails with my pup Shanti when life feels confusing because time in nature delivers hope and clears my mind and soul. From the first few steps through the gate butterflies abound as they began to play follow the leader along the trail. Butterfly sightings are said to be a sign of heavenly loved ones sending blessings and are also the first way that I truly felt Nate in spiritual form.

Today the butterfly show began with a black and white one which made me think about the polarities of the two colors…dark and light, yin and yang, death and life. Noting that contrast I realized that I am the only one who can decide how I want to feel about something and then do something about it. When I researched the meaning of black and white butterflies it was noted that these are in the process of metamorphosis so they symbolize great transformation across all areas of life. Going back to the disappointment of life not working out the way I had originally expected…that sounds about right! We certainly are in the midst of transforming everything right now with the possibility of parenthood. 

Then we ducked down by the creek so Shanti could cool off and an orange and black butterfly decided to hang out for awhile. I tend to have lots of luck with orange butterflies by bodies of water. They seem to slow down and rest by creeks and rivers reminding me that there’s nothing to fear or doubt. I suppose this is shown by them not being scared of me when I try to talk to or touch them. 

As we continued on, two butterflies danced along in front of us, leading the way while small purple butterflies swarmed around my feet. There were rarely moments when butterflies left my side which felt like hope was hovering around with light leading the way. 

We neared the top, the first time to summit this trail when all of a sudden, I stopped in my tracks and my heart jumped into my throat…a snake! A giant stinkin’ spotted snake! This was not the first time I had seen a large bull snake (I think?) that appeared reminiscent to a rattler on a hike. I stumbled upon 3 in one day at Matthew’s Winter Park about a month ago. Snakes are also a sign of transformation and this one most definitely served as a startling reminder to have patience on this path. I also believe seeing these big slithery creatures has some sort of spiritual significance that is slowly revealing itself. For some reason I think this will be the summer of snakes and I will eventually even embrace seeing them, forgetting the fear and simply sensing their spirit instead. Nevertheless, we did an abrupt about face and bolted down hill, scared of so much as a squiggle, snake-like shadow or twig. 

Once again the fluttering of colorful wings swirled and twirled about escorting us down and our hike ended with two white butterflies circling around a flower with the message to choose light and embrace life. These white butterflies are more rare and supposably forecast births and new life opportunities. I trust and believe that there is life, a little Johnny Rainbow on the horizon. Perhaps putting it out there in public and through prayer can prove it to be true. 

All too often doubt overshadows hope yet each day, each moment delivers the power to choose to be more than my thoughts. It’s truly a constant practice when dealing with most things and especially when playing against the odds such as with fertility. Choosing which thoughts to focus on can lower stress levels and increase joyful vibrations around and within. However, I don’t believe that this requires blindly projecting positivity because there are plenty of emotions to process and move through first. My prescription is feel to heal and complete the cycle of emotion, then choose positive intention and prayer. 

I believe we all can see signs if we slow down and feel the essence of stillness. Tuning into this sacred soul center requires faith that there is a divine current which creates a universal sense of connectedness among us all. Within this come the cycles of birth, life and death which continue forever. 

I’m grateful for the signs I didn’t search for and that found me instead today. Patience, transformation, clarity, choosing light, having faith and feeling a heavenly sense of support and love is quite a lot to get out of a hike. Thank you mother earth, for holding me tight and sharing your insight on this Enchanted Forest adventure.