Eaglestrong

One of my favorite special spiritual places that gives a bird’s eye view of Eagle. You can see Bonfire Brewing from here where the town gathers ‘round.

It’s safe to say that these days, times are tough. Honestly, I haven’t know what to do or say about the cumulative heaviness in my heart from COVID, political stress and now watching the community where I spent 17 years suffer from an avalanche accident taking 3 of their best the same week that another long time local passed from cancer. My heart tells me all I can do is to use the struggles that I have personally witnessed and the burdens I bore to send out some love through words.

New grief/trauma triggers old grief/trauma. Learning about the devastation that took over Eagle this week brought a flood of emotions back about the unending loyalty, compassion, love and support from this small town. Eagle protects its flock and is small but mighty. 

Ironically, I heard this tragic news on Tuesday morning right after my fiancé returned from an avalanche safety training in Crested Butte and was putting his pack together for an upcoming trip to Silverton. It is also 2 weeks after my brother returned from a backcountry trip to Thelma, the sister hut to Opus Hut…too close for comfort! We can all remember how we heard the news and how we have felt since. Perspectives allow us to comprehend this grief differently and for most of us we feel blessed to be alive. No matter how we personally experience this tragedy, it has been beautiful to view from afar, even virtually and through a pandemic, how Eagle has joined together because of grief. 

The past 4 years since Nate passed have been a gradual healing process for me. There are times it feels like I have been grieving forever with memory of our small mountain town life together seemingly distant and times that I feel like he passed yesterday and I am suddenly shocked he is gone. This accident triggered that feeling of “shock” again through bewilderment of collective grief. 

Simply put, grief hurts. It scatters and shatters the mind and can cause overwhelming emotions that don’t make sense feeling like a rollercoaster that seems to pick up speed just when we think it’s coming to a halt. Taking deep dips and then shooting back up the tracks through twists and turns, grief can also be one of our greatest teachers in life if we let it flow through and out time and again. The crazy confounding part of these feelings is they are all NORMAL! I had to hear this message over and over again because it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by emotions we aren’t used to experiencing.

Because of the extreme physical, mental, emotional, behavioral and spiritual ways that grief manifests, it’s complicated and it’s also normal to feel triggered randomly or simply overtaken with confusion. So we feel for a bit and then start to think, “I don’t have time for this” or “That’s enough feeling for awhile” or the busyness of life takes over again. This only works for so long because grief will cast its deceptive net to disrupt and shake things up again. If we continue to push it aside, the body keeps the score and it comes back to say hi when least expected in unexpected ways. [For my personal story of numbing my grief to making friends with it to find gratitude, read the “Broken in Bali” blog]

So what to do? The only way out is through. Through years of conscious grief processing and commitment to learning through yoga therapy, I have learned that emotions are cycles we must fully feel to heal. I resisted this theory for awhile and now my tears are a beautiful, devotional, spiritual song plus a solid slowdown of stress. We do actually release cortisol through our eyeballs through tears, so cry on, let them flow!

Maybe you aren’t a crier? That’s ok. Maybe you need to punch a pillow or scream instead? Pray. Write. Sing. Laugh. Dance. Create. Talk it out. There are many ways to move through grief so choose what works for you. But here’s the deal, it’s best to first feel. Let the emotions run through, accept what is and allow it to be. Then choose a way to consciously complete the cycle. 

This is what works for me: 

*Caution: choose after feeling as not to numb/avoid the feelings themselves (even though this is tempting)

-Yoga

-Meditation

-Breathwork/Pranayama

-Exercise 

-Get out in nature 

-Hug a pet

-Take a bath

-Walk barefoot in the grass

-Talk to someone who will just listen compassionately 

-Run cold water over your wrists or splash your face (grief runs hot so cool off)

My #1 go to is Breathwork because it can be done anytime or anywhere. Nate painted “Just Breathe” on the top tubes of all Lov Bikes and I think it became a message that is forever helpful. Here is an efficient and effective practice I like to call “2 Minutes to Peace.” 

1 - First Feel (for me this is usually tears)

2 - Name the emotion, understand how it feels in your body. 

3 - Close Eyes

4 - Breath Awareness: How am I breathing? (this can feel shallow, choppy or stuck in the chest with emotion)

5 - Breathwork Practice: 2 Minutes to Peace 

-Make your breath a little longer

-Now smoother

-Now slower

-Continue for 2 minutes. Only think about your breath, nothing else. 

-Open your eyes and notice how you feel. 

Bonfire Brewing sponsor love :)

We are faced with a choice to tune-in or tune-out of the grievances currently circulating throughout our world, country, community and within ourselves. Grief is the normal human reaction to the loss of anything (people, ideals, relationships, jobs, health, identity etc). We only grieve what we feel attached to, what we can’t imagine living without. We grieve change and transitions in life.  Even things that are seemingly exciting can leave an aftermath of grief. Or sometimes it’s possible to grieve something we didn’t even want anymore. We feel it in ways we can’t understand and can get swept away by the current leaving question to the meaning of life and our own place in this world. 

I do admit I am a highly sensitive and emotional person so perhaps this sounds a bit dramatic?If something I wrote resonates, just know I will feel the vibrational love and hold you in collective grief across the mountain passes, here in the twinkling lights in the city. Tonight I light a candle for the brave souls whose spirits now soar on Eagle’s wings above the town and families they will always protect. Perhaps for reasons we cannot comprehend it was their time to join Nate and other lost souls so they can shine rainbows down from above and light bonfires to illuminate the dark tears of the town. We honor them with gratitude for the men they were, the memory they made and the legacy they left.

Thanks for reading :) 

With Lov….T

Nate chillin’ back in the days when Bonfire Brewing was our biggest bike sponsor! Thanks Bonfire, we lov you!

*The breathing practice referenced is inspired by my teachers, Neil and Lisa Pearson. It is a practice I use myself regularly (throughout the day, everyday) and one of the first practices I teach clients through yoga sessions.